my goodness the stupid page took a mil lightyears to load. wassup with my computer man?!?

guess this shows how technology has made humans like moi such impatient creatures.

been a long time since i've blogged [notice how i start every post with a sentence like that...] but nvm i'll just do a long one, if i can be bothered.

o level orals were brilliant. i think i'll get a0? hah. the teachers seemed to like me alot. n i rattled on and on.. about a supermarket of all things. [-.-] but ok it was good so i felt happy.

prelims have officially started, and i am freaked like nobody's bizness. dont know why i still come here when i'm suppoed to be finishing my A MADZ TUITION HOMEWORK.

yes. i am now having a madz tuition. my teacher's awesome tho. fierce n makes me study. goooddd. =) i so want an a1 for my a madz. n e madz. n chinese. n english. n literature. n chemistry.

n what the hell i want a bloody a1 for all my subs.

not their bloody but u catch my drift. =)

speaking of bloody, i fell down on monday. it was pretty funny... not. lol. ok la quite. the way i fell was pretty amusing. fell of darling ms lim's bed.. crashed into her table. or at least my chin did [goodness i sound like such an ouf but nvm] and so it started bleeding like crazy. i didnt notice it until i rubbed my finger across my chin only to realize my finger turn extremely bloody. li xian was more freaked out than me. lol. xiu ling herself the evil meanie was amused. -.-"

but then again, so was i. lol...

so i tried to clean it up.. went home, and then mommy n daddy freaked out. so daddy brought me to the doctor.. n apparently i have a chin laceration.. thankfully i dont need any stitches, but got this weird plaster on me. i feel like a thug who got whacked.... -.-'""

everyone who's seen me has been asking "omg what happened to u??"

esp. the pple from shps. i went back today, cos it was teachers day celebration. it was fun, met all my darling ex-teachers like ms ang, mrs simon, mrs yam.. n it was bril!!! the funniest was seeing danny poh, ex hod of pe in cchms, as the vp of shps. i nearly screamed la! lol. small world huh. so went out with the usual few [ie. mel, siu yen, russ, daniel, josh] to go eat eat. wonderful russ treated us to lunch. so yay that was great.

err... what else has been happening? tons actually.. but shit all i can think about is my AMADZ TUITION HOMEWORK n my teacher is coming TMR.

-.-""


au revoir darlings. study hard all u notti sec 4 slackers.

cya later, alligatorzz.

good morning dearies. X)) i am currently in the school comp lab doing some ulu national education quiz.

been a long time since i've blogged. been bz la.. *smiles sheepishly*

sunday was a good day. went out with my girlfriends cos it was darling xiu ling's birthday. yay! we went to billy bombers, took alot of neo prints.

mans i'm actually starting to enjoy taking neoprints. but we looked fab..!!! superb pics. X))

anyways.

daddy ambushed me in the car today!!!

i think it's in the list of the secret parent guidebook somewhere.

for eg.

104573. lock ur children in the car when u plan to have an extremely awkward and uncomfortable conversation withthem. this is to ensure they are unable to escape and will have no choice but to listen to whatever u want to say. this is even more useful when they are in an extremely sleepy mood.


-.-""


bth la!!!! whats worse is that i was in such a sleepy mood so i couldnt even defend myself.

we've been having some.. *ahem* disagreements on my 'ethics' regarding going to school.

so silly.



ooo. gotta go now. hopefully i'll be able to blog when i get back home.

today's english oral!!! but i'm not worried. i mean, if i can get a distinction for chinese oral..

lol.

all the best to all who are nervous like shit.

chung cheng pple will do fab. X)) thanks to all those chai chee students.

shit i'm mean lol.

au revoir!!

b3. i got b3.

should i be happy?? hmmm. honestly, i was expecting more. i was totally terrified of getting my results back and at that moment, when i saw my results, it was a feeling of initial relief followed by rather sharp disappointment. had to hide it all but yea, it wasn't good. on a happier note, i got a distinction for oral. which is a total shock cos i thought i was talking utter nonsense. and the two very nice fierce looking examiners actually gave me a distinction la!!!!

school did really well. nobody failed. nobody got c6. and only one person got c5. which is pretty amazing results considering how i know of many people who got c6. its basically unheard of for a cchms student. on top of this, 60.8% of the cohort got distinction.

which makes me a really really lousy cchms student. sigh.

so should i retake? do i want to put myself thru all the craziness of memorising all those ci yus and fretting over a zuo wen i'll have to write???

i really dont want to memorize all those ci yus again. i DONT WANT to have to look at that super THICK stack of notes that will drive me wonks.

but i do want to get an A for chinese. prove pple wrong and make me proud of myself for getting A one of my least fave subs.

but i'll be competing against all those crazy HCL students!!!! how??? i dont want to be a person who helps those HCL students get their A. know what i mean? like.. all those f9 pple are the ones who push a1 pple up to get their a1... sumthing like that...


ok onto happier news.


kor is back. not as bad as i anticipated. i saw the beloved PS2 and was a happy happy girl. X)) actually talked to him this morning and it was good. laughed, talked nonsense.. ok la. n he brought back all those naruto eps!!!! i have just finished 10 episodes. yes i'm crazy i know. but nice la!!!

also, darling xiu's birthday is tmr! so

happy birthday darling!

X))

love u much, ms lim xiu ling. tmr will be fun fun. we'll even go take those neoprints u love so much. haha...


ok. been a slack day. my bf the TYS feels neglected. gotta go shower some affection on him liao. X)

oh yay. was sick yesterday and today so i skipped school. slept till 10 today n was a rested, relatively happy girl.

but i feel weird and funny now. bleah.

i feel like ponning lessons tmr.. but cant la..! need to go to school to collect my O LVL CHINESE RESULTS.

AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!

i'm nervous like crap. what if i FAIL??

no la. wont fail.

at most get c6...

-.-"""



on other less stressful news, kor is coming back tmr morning. and by morning i mean 6 am in the morning.

so i'll have to drag my sleepy body up by 5+ to get ready for sch n everything.. wa dats gonna be like.. so fun..!!

not.


i know i might sound mean, btu i am somehow not looking forward to his return. in all honestly, i can say that i miss his ps2 more than i miss him.

gosh i'm an evil sister.

but its true. its easier to love him when he isn't around to irritate me. and cos trouble for the family. i mean i seriously don't like him. he always tries to take advantage of the family.. he doesn't treat this as home, but a house.. his life revolves around his gf [whom btw i like quite alot].. he doesn't know how to give back to mom and dad.. he is always getting into trouble... i don't understand his value system.. how he can place such low priority for his family.. how he treats me.. how he treats my sister.. how he treats my mom...


man the house will be crowded again.

and just talking about him makes me kinda pissed...


gah. call me the worst sister ever, but i am SO not looking forward to his return.


laters.

fireworks!!! yan(1) huo(3).

NOT huo(3) pao (4).

-.-"

we went to watch fireworks and it was pretty brill. X) gotta spend time with my darlings xiu, xian n boonzzz. went with aaron's frens as well.. so that was pretty.. hmmm.. well lets just say i doubt we'll be mixing the two groups any time soon. it's like we come from alternate planets. totally different.

it was in situations like yesterday that makes me proud of being a chinese. all of ron's friends couldnt speak chinese.. all totally cmi. and they looked so shocked [have no better word to use] to see me conversing in chinese with my girlfrens. but whats wrong with that?

i guess 3 yrs++ in a chinese school has made me different. i actually find it hard to not speak chinese when i'm with my girlfrens. cos.. we're already so used to it, so it's no big deal when we switch from english to chinese n vice versa. im not saying i'm some chinese pro, goodness i'm pretty awful at it. but still, why shun the language that comes form ur culture and is part of ur heritage? why want to be so ang moh for what??? i embrace all my singlishness n chinese. it makes me singaporean. i identify myself with another 3 million pple who also speak singlish.

i remember a time when i used to be unable to converse in chinese, and how i totally hated chinese. i think that's so silly haha.. its your own loss if u don't know how to speak your mother tongue. it's pretty sad. being chinese yet unable to speak your own language.

is the draw of being american so strong? is being an american that great? is having white skin so important? i think not. be proud of who u are - where u come from. embrace ur culture. cos u can't change it. [well actually u can but thats only if u aspire to be another michael jackson but i digress...] know the language. X)



oh gosh i realize i sound like i'm doing a campaign for the 'speak chinese' campaign. rofl.

anyway.


the fireworks were indeed beautiful. i got to spend alot of time with my girlfrens. which was the most impt. part i guess. laughing, doing silly things [like li xian eating the rose i gave her.. like.. wassup with that?!?!?!?!] and just hanging out. it was superb. X)) i cant wait for the Os to be over so we can finally, FINALLY go sentosa to hang outtt!!!! and when xiu and i can finally go travel out of country!!!! go hk SHOPPING!!! and bali to relax n suntan. omg it will be soooo FUN. X)))

i am so excited. =)


ok enough about dreams of sentosa, hk and bali. i gotta go study. 7 pts 7 pts.

VJC!!!!!


lol. au revoir!

busy busy busy. everyone's busy.

the life u used to lead, the relationships u once shared with people..

all, in a way, have to be sacrificed when u're so busy. studying. working. doing whatever u need to do in this thing called life.

and relations stray, your schedule is filled with WORK. it's not your fault, really. it's just everyone doesn't have time to hang out, chat, fellowship...

bond.


and all the connections we spent so much time building slowly start to fall apart. even tho on the surface we seem as close knit as before, we know its not the case. cracks are surfacing. we feel misunderstood, we can't talk as we used to...
we have to watch what we say.

no more freedom to talk absolute nonsense or just talk about life, what we wanna do, our plans, dreams, future, hurts, pains, disappointments.

everything is shoved below the surface, and we all act like we're fine and happy.


how to salvage a broken friendship? there was no quarrel, no fight.. we just.. drifted.


and i know its our fault. we didn't try, didnt make an effort.


i'm going to stop waiting for people to make the first move. being busy with my O lvl studying is not an excuse to distance myself from pple i love. it might be hard.. but ya. i got a great source of love. so can just give out more n more love. X))

thats the thing about being a christian, my source is unlimited. Jesus isn't human. He's omnicient. so i have sufficient love, joy, peace, strength, courage, boldness, fill-in-with-whatever-u-need to last me an eternity. not to just keep for myself, but to share. especially love. w/o Jesus, i won't have enough love for myself.. how to give away?

and to think i wanted to leave Him.... i was so bonkers la! haha.. i mean, despite life being tiring and difficult, i now realise it isn't an excuse to leave church. cos its when i'm in shit that i need Jesus the most...

ok i sound like i'm ranting.. got alot more to say, but i think i'll leave it for later. off to eat breakfast!



to all my chummy chums - u know who u are - who might be reading my blog, just wanna let ya'll know i love you. tons tons tons. X) we might not be able to talk as much, i might not tell u this as much, i might not even show it, but don't ever doubt that we're friends. u're my chum thru n thru. muuuaaakkksss!

have been a busy busy girl.

went to two nights of f.o.p which was.. totally awesome. my goodness i love martin smith. delirious is the epitome of coolness. X)

i am totally blown away. Jesus' love is awesome. some people weren't impacted during svc and say that it wasnt as good as last yr n what not..

but i disagree. i guess its just the person. if u go with a heart of expectancy, u want something more than just 'scratching the surface' as pastor calls it, u'll get it. God gives u what u desire.. if u go w/o expectancy, u'll receive nothing.

God is a good God. X) He never disappoints.

all the woshipping we did was.. NOT ENOUGH! it really reminds me of pst. sidney's indonesian song.. about how i'm supposed to be God's worshipper. better than any high, Jesus is the ultimate source of excitement/release/freedom.. He is the source i'm addicted to. and standing there with darlene zschech leading.. waaa! she's annointed man. makes me want to be like her more n more.

i guess going on and on about how awesome God is insufficient.. it's not just some temporary high that i'm on where i wax lyrical about my King. yea sure i might not always talk like that, and sometimes i want to give up and walk away from church, from everything and just leave; but in my heart of hearts i know i can never leave Him.

a life without Jesus is like telling me to survive without oxygen - impossible.

it might be painful walking this road with Him sometimes.. but i know it will totally worth it.


i'm not just some teenager who has nothing better to do with her life and wants to follow a trend. if i were, i'd left a loonngg time ago. i'd left when i faced all the shit that i faced. i wouldnt have persevered. but no. i refuse to leave. altho someitmes my convictions might waver, but they are now strengthened and i am more certain of my beliefs than ever before.

i am not attracted to the branding of christianity, and how it'll make me look a person if people know i'm a christian - i'm attracted to Jesus Christ. it doesn't matter if the world forsakes Him, i won't. becos He is why i'm here. i'm here becos of Him and for Him...

He's like my daddy. i run to Him when i need Him. sure i might not feel Him physically, but i know He is alive. when u've seen God the way i have - hear Him talk to you, reassure you that even tho the world's screwed up, He has already overcome this screwed up world. and when u're down, reassure u that u can make it, that u're gonna be a world shaker and history maker for Him. when u've felt His love so overwhelming that all u can do is cry and thank Him. when He tells u

'everything's gonna be alright'

and u know that u know that u know, that even tho u can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, u're gonna be ok cos He said so.


that's when u know Jesus is real. it's either He's real, or i'm totally deranged. to have imagined all these. but i know i'm sane. and He is so real.



i love Jesus. X)

delirious? - inside outside.

Inside outside, under my skin
never ending love I don't know where it begins
I don't know where it ends, I don't know how high
I don't know how deep, I don't know how wide

Outside inside around the world
Never ending love envelops me like a cloud
I feel you in front, I feel you behind
I feel you up above, and I feel you at the side
And you, you’re all over me, you’re all over me

Your banner is over me, I give it all cos

You still captivate me, fascinate me
You still captivate me, saturate me
Inside outside, pulling me in
No matter where I run I know you’ll never give in
I see you in the storm, I see you in a kiss
I’ve been around the world and never found a love like this

And you, you’re all over me, you’re all over me

Your banner is over me, I give it all cos

You still captivate me, fascinate me
You still captivate me, saturate me
You still captivate me, liberate me
You still captivate me

You're all over me, you're all over me, you're all over me
You're everything I wanna be
I'm all over you
You're everything I wanna see
You're all over me

Inside outside, inside outside

ola!

missed me flair blodgers? well i miss blogging happy things.


i guess its time to stop feeling tired.


only i can get out of it. i refuse to be an angst filled teenager who wallows in a pit of self pity.

i choose to be happy. X))


well the last coupla days have been.. aiight? been studying like the good girl i am.. but tues was FUN! went out with the gang to ajisen to ear ramen and take silly photos.

it's official. i've been infected by darling xiu ling. i'm an official ZI LIAN KUANG!

rofl.

took a bil photos with everyone's photos. we even made a video with xian's phone. tues was.. superb. it was also like a bonding time for all of us, know what i mean? yea. beyond all the superficialities, we actually talked about issues that matter.

i just love my girls + pet[aka princess derek]. X))



anyway next tues is our fireworks outing!! i am sooo excited. first time we're mashing everyone up.. i really hope it works. cant wait to see everyone get together. i miss being to relax and hang out.

cant wait. excited!


oh man am totally in no mood to blog now. more another time.

cheerios dahlings.

au revoir!X))