Was talking to a friend and she commented that she thought I was one of the most happy people she knows.

TRUE MEH?!

If truth be told, I'm an extremely cynical/emo/pessimistic person. I just don't show it cos' I think it's very mah fan to reassure people that Sarah isn't suicidal or depressed. I'm not, by the way. And to be more honest with myself and you, the reader, I am afraid of how people will react and more importantly whether they will accept me for who I am. Sure, everyone likes Sarah the eloquent funny social butterfly, but will they really be there when I am looking like shit from all the crying I've done or when I'm stripped from my facades?

Come to think about it, I've never really let anyone in cos' I'm so afraid of being vulnerable. My heart's been padlocked and not even Houdini will be able to break those chains. The people I did try to let in... disappointed me. Well I guess it wasn't his fault, it was mine. For pushing him away, for testing the limits again and again.

But that's me, you know? The cynic within me needs to see you prove yourself worthy of being my confidante. And I'll do everything to push you away - only deep down I'm hoping you don't go. I need to see you come back and keep your promise of "no matter what I ain't going no where" before I really believe that promise and let you in.

I'm tired of hiding and pretending so this is me, stripped. You want to know the truth?

I'm not strong. I have no idea why people like to call me that. If this kind of 'strength' is only shown in times of adversity, I'd much rather not have it, thankuverymuch. I have no choice but to deal with it - not that I've done a very good job with that. I oscillate between being numb and feeling the intense pain. Pain vs. Numbness? I'd take feeling numb any day and twice on Sundays. People say that pain makes you feel alive, but how come the pain I feel doesn't make me want to live? I live because I have to - I have a responsibility to the people around me. I am 'strong' cos I don't have a choice.

The fact is, I am deathly afraid of seeing my daddy go. While everyone is praying that Jesus will do a sudden miracle and heal him, all I can think is, WHEN IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN?! When he's half dead lying on a hospital bed? Just before he breathes his last? I don't trust this Jesus they call the healer/savior anymore. He hasn't been there. Period.

And despite all the prayers, I know the family's preparing for the worst. We had a talk last night - the whole family, and daddy said

"I have faith that God is good, and can heal. But I know healing is God's prerogative. For whatever reason He has for not healing me IF he doesn't heal, I won't question cos' I know he's God and I'll still praise Him."

Do you know how scary it is to hear that? IF HE DOESNT HEAL?!?! WHAT KIND OF GOD WOULD DO THIS?!?! Yes, I am angry. With the unfairness of it all. And for gods sake you christians out there stop telling me to accept it as God's plan and that all things work together for his good. You christian, sitting on your chair reading my blog, don't think you have the right to judge me or tell me what to do. I hate the way you think you understand what I'm going through. PUHLEAZ. I am not magnifying my pain and I'm not demeaning yours. If you seriously think that a breakup you just went through is comparable to the pain I'm feeling, then good for you. Just don't say you understand unless you have a parent dying, cos you have no idea.

I see my daddy become half the man he was... literally. Seeing him in pain every day scares me. The doctors have no good news, just bad news. Chemo is killing him, not the tumour. He's vomitting, he has no appetite, he's just in pain and there's nothing I can do.

There is no light at the end of this tunnel, no hope for me too hold on to.

I miss my daddy. I miss going out with him for suppers. I miss his cooking, I miss his laughter. I miss being able to be sheltered by him. I miss the healthy him. I miss how my family used to be.

So after all this my only question is - do you still want to know the real me?

BRANDON BOYD MARRY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm back to loving the bad boys. X)

Things That Piss Sarah Off:

#1. People who buy chocolates, cheapo mugs/photo frames for Christmas exchange presents. Especially people who buy chocolates. WAH! BTH! Can they get any more cheapo?!? I just hate getting lousy gifts, especially after I spent time and effort to choose a nice gift.

#2. Techno music (read: that DAMN numa numa numa yei song). It seriously drives me insane. Walking around Far East last week with darling Li Xian really drove me insane. I sincerely hate it with all my soul. In fact, I think I'm allergic to techno music. Um-zi um-zi is so not my style HAHA.

And one of the things that really, really piss me of is...

People who think that they are friends with you after not being in contact with you for months. No calls, smses, not even a birthday greeting - and they suddenly waltz back into your life thinking that nothing's changed. I mean, how seriously deluded is that?! And the worse thing is that they waltz back into your life for some ulterior motive (like dragging you to church HAH). I mean, how fake is that? It's so obvious you don't give a fuck about me, you just want me to go to church. -.-" Ah. It royally pisses me off. Don't get me wrong - the thing that pisses me off is not that they stopped caring all those months ago. Cos' to put it crudely, I really don't give a fuck about them either. What pisses me off is their extremely hypocritical deluded attitudes. Gah!



Anyway.


I have officially gotten over the EX (as we shall now call him until otherwise stated) and I feel such a sense of relief. I told him, and he thought I wanted to go back to being friends. The funny thing is... I'm not so sure about that myself. I don't know if this sounds weird, but I don't think I actually want him as a friend anymore. I'd much prefer if he'd remain a memory, at least for now. Cos' even though I've gotten over him and I by gotten over I mean that I can think about him and the memories we've had without actually being in pain...

Ok to digress here, another thing I truly hate is when guys just brush off how emotional girls can be. I mean seriously, just because you feel through your dick doesn't mean females feel through their vagina/boobs. WE TAKE ALOT OF TIME TO GET OVER THINGS. So for god's sake, don't say something so fuckingly idiotic like "Oh, you've finally gotten over it!" after she's told you she's gotten over it. (It being whatever traumatic event that happened.) It might seem hard for you as a guy to understand, but for god's sake, just bloody pretend to understand even if you don't la. It will save you from alot of shit, seriously.

So back to that. Just because I can think about the whole friendship without feeling affected by it does not mean I want to be his friend. Quite frankly, all I want him to be is a memory. At least for now. It seems too hard for us just to become friends again, at least on my part. The idea of making myself vulnerable to someone who has hurt me before is... very stupid i.m.o. And I'm sure he has his own friends, his own life - one without me. Cos I know that my life is good without him. I can be insanely happy without him - I think that realization made me finally get over him. The fact that I have so many other friends who love me like crazy and I have tons of fun with really made me see that I didn't need him. Not at all. I'm not trying to sound as if he was replacable, he wasn't. But my life is still awesome without him in it. Feels great. =D It also made me realize another thing - the concept of 'best friends' is seriously warped. It's very dangerous (and potentially painful) to pour so much of yourself onto just one single relationship. Better to have a handful of close friends to lean on, then just one seemingly 'best' friend. Haha. Oh well. I'm just glad I'm finally over it. X) I feel so.. MATURE. hahahaha.

On a much a happier note, AMANDA DARLING IS BACK!!!!! That silly girl didn't tell me and she actually wanted to surprise me. WHAT RUBBISH LA! hahaha. Oh well, I'm really glad she's back. My darling is back! I want to screeam!!! But cannot, it's 2 plus in the middle of the night. Neighbours will complain. lol. Ah no matter, I'll scream here. AMANDA'S BACK!!!!!!!!

hee :p

Nights world!

Regarding my last post, let's just say I was having a large bout of holiday blues. Things are not entirely ok, but I am going to be, cos'' very frankly, there isn't much choice is there? It's not as if whining and moping and crying and being angry makes my problems disappear. It doesn't make cancer cells die, so I figure I should stop all my moping.

It's Christmas day today, and honestly I'm not really in the mood to celebrate anything. Jesus doesn't seem worth celebrating this year. I did go to church and go for the carnival and for a couple of hours I actually enjoyed myself. Saw the old members. And then I saw him, the EX.

EX best friend that is. haha. What did u people out there think? =p

But joke aside, it hurt like hell. I can't believe I'm admitting it here - but what the heck. I don't give a fuck what you (yes you sitting in front of your computer screen reading all this) think about me. And this is my blog so I can make it really personal if I want. Oh wait - I think I did already in the last post lol.

Seeing him really sucked. We didn't even acknowledge each other. Am really quite sad to really see the friendship totally disintegrate to such an extent. And even though I have managed to stop missing/thinking of him and the friendship over the last few weeks, it still hurt like crazy. It was, in all honesty, worse than meeting an ex. Part of me did want to run over and tell him I was sorry and that I wanted to start the friendship again but I guess I knew better. It's not possible and there IS still a part of me that's still pissed with him for everything he did. Ah well, from the words of Macbeth, what's done is done. I have learnt many things from my awesome friendship with him and for that I am grateful. It is time to move on - and I think I have, or at least I'm on the way to fully moving on. The fact that I am able to type about it is proof of me coming to terms with it.

Anyway. 2006 is just around the corner and I am anticipating all the change! New school, new friends, new environment. X) And to compliment all the new changes in my life, I cut my hair! Did it on Wednesday at the Reds Academy and I am very pleased with it. XD It was quite funny really, getting my hair done and all. My stylist asked me "So what do you want to do?" and all I told him was

"I don't know. I just want to have a change in hair style and look different."

In hindsight, that was quite a stupid thing to say considering it was the first time I'd seen that stylist (even though I knew he was supposedly zai) and I was putting my hair into his hands. It might not seem like such a big deal to you, but think about it - trusting a virtual stranger with your hair? Especially if you're a girl cos'' you can't shave it off if you think it's ugly. plus, I didn't even tell him what I wanted. I let him do anything. Oh, the only thing I did tell him was "I don't want too short hair."

So you can imagine my horror when the first thing he did was chop of my fringe. WAH! It really made me nervous. Thankfully it went alright. In fact, it went better than alright and man I'm just loving the new 'do. XD

Other things worth mentioning about this relatively awesome week (excluding my semi break down in the previous post haha) were the two gatherings we had at my place. The first one was for my parents' good friends and their respective kids. It brought back so many fond memories - of spending time with those 'kids' again (who've all actually stopped being kids already haha). Seeing CHARLENEY, Jasmine, and even Gabo - man it was superb. I still remember the times we hung out in my room playing stupid games like BMB (Blind Men's Buff) and all the others while the adults were having cellgroup. hahaha. X)) Family gathering was equally fun and it was awesome spending time with the couzzies. =D Stuff like that make me like Christmas - cos' it means it's time to meet up old friends and enjoy each others' company with all the great food hahaha.

Ok, one last thing - thanks to all who showered love + concern over me the last couple of days. Also many thanks to those who sent me greetings/cards and the amazing presents I love. Thank you all! I really appreciate it and love ya'll. I'm not going to mention names this year in case I miss out some people but you guys know who you are. X)

Hmmm. Come to think about it, Christmas hasn't been all that bad. Yea I am going through alot of shit, but it just means that I should sieze moments like this to celebrate what I can right? Yups. Sarah's trying to be positive here haha. Okok one last thing (this is really the last thing haha) since its Christmas - I hope ya'll out there are enjoying the holidays and anticipating the new year.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!

Was going to try to recap my relatively awesome week and talk about how awesome Christmas is.

but I can't. Not when I'm suddenly scared... again. That all familiar feeling of fear is coming back. I've been trying to push it out of my head the past couple of months, but now they're back. Trying to pretend I'm not scared/sad hasn't really worked cos now it's all coming back to me.

How do I celebrate the season when I'm actually terrified of what the future brings? Is there any reason to celebrate? I'm... In despair. What to do? Who to turn to? There is no one who can help. Not one. The one they claim can hasn't shown up. When I see them trusting and believing in one who didn't even stop this in the first place, I am so angry with him. For not being there, for allowing the pain... After all this time I still ask, "Why my daddy? What did he do to deserve it? What did my family do to deserve this?" The concept of being thankful for the pain is too crazy for me to understand... All that bullshit of this being a trial so that it can glorify him' is seriously a very fucked up idea i.m.h.o.

But I am too tired to fight this on my own. I don't even know what to fight anymore... So much for a merry Christmas.

Somebody help, please.

Been trying to talk about love the whole day but I really don't know how to put in words what I am trying to express.

One thing I do know - it's overused and underrated. And it is certainly supposed to mean more than what teenagers profess they feel to their two-week-old-gf/bf or what those stupid sappy love songs say.

Love is supposed to be treasured. The word shouldn't be used loosely. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Ok I'm going to go catch some shut eye now. Have to go down to MJC tomorrow to audition for their choir. All I have to do is blow the teacher's brains out with my vocal prowess so she'll let me into MJC for the first three months. Shouldn't be that difficult right? HAR. Ah, more updates soon. Goodnight world. =)

P.S I LOVE SOPHIE'S WORLD. THANK U NIGEL!!!!!!!!!!!

5 random facts

Thanks to Ms Kong, I'm supposed to blog 5 random facts about myself. Who still does these things?! I thought lame questionnaires like 'Your All Time Faves List' or '100 Questions about Yourself' were only done in the autograph books we signed in primary school. But since I've been such a couch potato today (I've watched 8 eps. of 24 and my head is so full of terrorists, nuclear weapons and the CTU haha. Plus, I watched 3 eps. of Desperate Housewives, 2 of OTH and 2 of The OC. Yes I know it sounds very kua zhang but rarely do I spend my whole day at home in front of the tv. Hahaha) , I might as well do it.

1. In the whole spirit of Christmas, here's one fact: I adore snow, especially so during Christmas time. Christmas is without a doubt, my favourite holiday of all time (unless of course they come up with "Make Sarah The Queen Of The World For A Day" as an official holiday lol). The idea of a white Christmas is VERY appealing to me ever since I was a little girl. The idea of walking in Central Park in NYC during Christmas or ice skating in the Rockefeller Center.. Man thinking about it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. X) I know it sounds silly cos this is such a trivial thing to want - walking around Central Park that is - but it's like I'll be in a movie! Like Serendipity, or Sleepless In Seattle.. I just loved those shows la...! Hahaha.

2. I have a pretty big stage fright problem. I guess it happens to everyone - even the most seasoned professionals - but for me, I get the biggest butterflies swirling around in my tummy, and for a split second just before I go on stage, I can totally freak out and my mind will go blank. Despite my insane stage fright, I love singing on stage. The thrill I get when I see people looking at me when I sing is just.. amazing. Indescribable. The absolute rush is one of the best highs I've ever experienced.

3. I really really really hate bugs. Now, more than ever, considering how I just watched King Kong yesterday. Like, OMFG la. The stupid bugs were of GARGANTUOUS PROPORTIONS. And I'm not just talking about those stupid cockroaches. I truly detest all bugs. Well, maybe I might not detest ladybugs, and.. See there are no more that are cute enough/less hideous that I'd like..! They all look so gross and ugly. BTH.

4. I like the word toe. (Oh speaking of toes, here's another random fact: I used to love drawing smiley faces on my toes when I was too sick of studying. I'd be doing A Math halfway, in Mac mind you, and then I'd just whip out a sparkly pen and start drawing silly mini caricatures on my toes. Hahaha) And words with lotsa 'Z's in them. Like dazzle. And oooh! I also like words that make funny sounds. Like wonks and bonks. I have yet to create the list of brilliant words that are underused and silly sounding with Nigel. So Mr. Hee if you're reading this, YOU OWE ME A CONVERSATION...

5. Ok here's the last one. I have very very diverse musical tastes (from Jazz to Punk to Rock to Ska to plan ol' pop tunes) but as of this very minute, I am SO IN LOVE WITH CHRISTMAS SONGS! Yes I know there are a limited number of Christmas songs (I can't believe I actually typed 'sonks' the first time LOL) for me to choose from and that most artistes just do covers of the same songs and they do it just to make money BUT STILL I love Christmas songs all the same. Gets me so into the mood of the season. And hearing all those wonderful carols being blasted all around the house just makes me so happy. =D To all those punk rock/alternative fans, you guys and girls are not going to feel left out, cos I have discovered some awesome Christmas punk albums. Not just those lousy wannabes like simple plan (eeeuucckkk) or busted (blleeauurrgghhh) but truly awesome punk bands. So, if you're interested, lemme know and I'll send u some tunes. =)


Ok so that's it for my 5 random facts. They actually took longer to write than expected. Right now, I am off to bed. Being a couch potato takes up a lot of energy ok. =p

Oh wait before I forget. I'm supposed to tag 5 other people (you just gotta follow tradition, you know?) to do this 5 random facts thing. So here are the 5 people who better write this cos I'm gonna be checking on their blogs!

1. Nigel (Hee!)
2. Sherry
3. Yu Ting
4. Egan
5. Charlene

Au Revoir darlings! Sarah needs to go catch some shut eye now. =)

so random.

Why do they even call it sleepovers when there's no sleep involved? Last night's impromptu sleepover at Sam's place was fun, but now I feel like a zombie. Like one of the living dead. What an oxymoron - living dead. A contradiction in two words. Like little giant for example...

You know you're tired when you can't form proper sentences. Or you can doze off in front of the computer while typing.

I want to find a nice pair of sandals. Or flip flops. Will anyone buy me a pair of Birkenstocks? Pretty please + condiments. X)

And. Erm. I WANT A FROG. Hahaha.

Lala Land, here I come.

Oasis is closing down!!! Where do I go now to play board games?!?!? Shit la. I'm quite sad. If anyone knows any other cool board games cafe (apart from the one in Holland V. which is really too far away cos I'm an eastie) please let me know. =D

Anyway.

Was talking to my friends about how one person is considered attractive… and I've come to the conclusion that despite how a person's 'attractiveness' is a very subjective issue, self-confidence is one of the biggest factors that make a person attractive. It's a necessary quality in making a person attractive. The other factors might differ from each person, but overall, having self-confidence is a very charming quality. I'm not talking about being self confident to the point of being obnoxious, but rather being self assured and with that assurance, being able to carry ones self in a manner that.. hmm.. Don't exactly know how to describe it, but all I can say is that being self assured gives a person the certain X-Factor. All the other different attributes Boy X or Girl Y might display will then all be connected and brought out by his/her self confidence.

I personally need a guy who is able to keep me interested. Admittedly, I have an attention span of a fly, but I do know how to have fun. Dazzle me, don't bore me. Romance me, don't just take me out to the movies. Ok just to digress here, I really hate it when you go on a date and you just watch a movie. I mean, there are many many MANY (I simply have to emphasize the MANY once more) things that are more interesting than watching a big screen. Going to the movies, i.m.o, is something that can be enjoyed alone. Cos' we're not engaging in conversation or doing anything that is adding value to the relationship... We are merely doing something that is supposed to be done alone side by side. Do I sound confusing here? Haha... I'm not saying that watching movies on a date is wrong, but if you're in the process of getting to know the girl/guy of your fancy, and you'd like to know him/her more, do not bring him/her to a movie! Go have a nice dinner, do something fun. Like... I don't know? That's up to your own creativity I guess... *end of digression*


Moving on, I met Mr. Eng today and it made me realize how much I missed him la! We actually walked back from Parkway and it was an awesome time of talking and just… hanging out. Sometimes I wonder what a 22 year old guy like him - attractive, funny, smart, n not to mention very busy - would see in hanging out with moi, 16 year old Sarah Ling. The insecure side of me goes, "Why on earth would a 22 (or even 30) year old hang out with me? Is it out of... boredom? Because they are just trying to be nice?" Sometimes it's hard for me to accept the fact that someone who's so different from me and so much older than me is able to be my friend; that we are able to connect in some weird way.

Then I realize. Being a friend is more than that. You don't have to be all that similar, or of the same age to be friends. You just have to care and be interested in each others' lives. And there isn't really a reason for showing interest right?

Ok. Enough rubbish for one night. My brain's tired and I STILL sound like a frog. God I hate sore throats. -.-

Goodnight, world.

how do you 'end' a friendship? you can't possibly break up with your friend.. can you? how do you end a relationship with someone who isn't your significant other... is it really possible to end it? or do friends just.. drift apart? no calls, no smses, no IMs... no contact. and as the days pass.. it just becomes more and more awkward talking to each other. the 'magic' is gone. the ease and pure comfort of that friendship is gone. in other cases, the friendship end after a quarrel. or a fight. and the fight's so huge that the relationship is irreconcilable. its like a bridge that suddenly breaks... and that friend is lost. and then all that's left are words we should have but didn't say and two hearts full of regret for the things we did say.

as i look back at this goddawful year - and yes i do believe i have the right to call it a goddawful year cos trust me when i say i've gone through some awful things i don't just mean some shitty relationship or just the o levels - i am filled with conflicting emotions. on one hand, i am extremely thankful for the people who held me when everything around me was collapsing, who didn't leave even when i turned into a crazy psycho nutcased bitch during the o lvl period. and i am truly grateful for those people. the ones who managed to keep me sane this year. at the same time, i'm filled with a deep sense of sorrow and regret, as i think of all the friendships i've lost. the ones i thought were going to last... but didn't. i'm not talking about those superficial ones that don't really matter. i'm talking about those that meant something. more than just silly talks and laughs.. but friendships of substance. the people i bared my heart to. the people i took off those masks for.

and isn't that what friendships are all about? being comfortable enough with one another to the point where the masks we hold so tightly in life can be tossed aside because a bond has been made. a mutual acceptance of each other - imperfections and all. we humans rarely let our guards down. we fear scrutiny, we fear being judged. and having a friend means having someone you can be yourself to. not what people perceive you to be, not anything but yourself.

i thought i had found such friends. friends to laugh with, friends to cry with. but it all turned out to be wishful thinking and naivety on my part. as much as i'd like to blame you and say it was all your fault for the failed friendship, i know i can't. it wasn't yours or mine. we just weren't meant to be the kind of friends who'd last. the pacts we made [n broke], the times we shared.. i know i will never forget. i'm not going to build sandcastles in the sky and deceive myself into thinking someday we might go back to the way things were. a small part of me will always wish it will happen and that part will always feel a sense of sadness and regret for not making it work. but i know it wouldn't have anyway, we've drifted too far. i don't want to hate you - or rather i can't bring myself to. so... i guess this is goodbye. goodbye, you.

PHILOSOPHY!

nigel, i love the subject more and more.. all thanks to you. and now i understand why you're so completely nuts. X)

admittedly i'm a cheater cos i go to sparknotesdotcom but STILL. i'm trying. maybe one day i'll try to read all the translated texts of plato, aristotle, descartes...

ok maybe all is too much. hahaha. but seriously speaking, philosophy is a very interesting subject. albeit a bit hard to comprehend due to the suuuper chyyyymmm language those philo-ers throw at you, it actually makes alot of sense once u understand what the philo-er is trying to say. well, maybe its much easier for me cos i got mr. hee [hahaha i still cant help but laugh at the 'hee' thing. hehehehe], the philo GENIUS to explain everything to me in layman's terms. thank you, nigel. =) now if only u'd buy me those steve maddens... then u'd be the perfect girlfriend. hahahaha.

it is not a nerdy subject. i defy anyone who dares to say its a boring subject only nerd study. i think its a super cool subject. just don't major in it unless you're supremely insanely brilliant at philo and you want your brain to sublime. take small doses [like moi] and enjoy feeling smart. lol. so ya'll out there should try reading it sometime. especially all you students who are having your hols and are bumming arnd. read philo. get smarter. impress the smart girls. charm the smart guys. its so much better having a smart significant other rather than a brainless jock/bimbo. but thats just my opinion.. and a whole other topic.

anyway i was reading aristotle's nicomachean ethics [yes of course i'm reading the sparknotes one la] and the whole idea of doing things to become happy is very interesting. especially the part about friendships. aristotle says

"Ideally, our feelings for our friends should reflect our feelings for ourselves. Self-love is more important than friendship, since only people who treat themselves with appropriate care and respect can achieve proper virtue and happiness. Though a happy person is theoretically self-sufficient, friendship is an important and essential aspect of the good life."

and i think the short para. is self explanatory.

so yea. philo's cool. go read some. =)

i'm off. to read more. hahahaha

au revoir!

i am so insanely tired i think i'm going to start hallucinating soon. shit.

today's been rather blurry. it all started going downhill from the moment i woke up and this morning i was stoning in church and during lunch. after lunch i was soooo tired that i started feeling high. was laughing at all the silliest things and my sister thought i was going nuts. lol.

you know what i feel like? i feel like a Sim. a very tired one at that. its like i'm almost about to collapse to the floor, but some psycho crazy higher power is using his/her mouse on me and making me stay awake. my energy level is now in the RED zone. i need to drink coffee. or go sleep... i think i'll make a huge cuppa coffee. =D

anyway. jie and i bought a new board game... harry potter in diagon alley. hopefully its fun! we're going to play it after dinner and we'll [the ling siblings + the 2 respective halves] try the game out. exciting!

ok speaking of board games, i ADORE playing board games. and no not the lousy monopoly rubbish or game of life nonsense. but there are some awesome games like Taboo [which technically isn't a board game. but still. haha.], Elfen Land, Cranium, and the all time classic Cluedo.

i LOVE Cluedo! i am not a geek but its seriously fun, especially when there are alot of people playing it. and it takes BRAINS to play the game. its more than tikam-ing who's the murderer +weapon + location. you gotta know who asked what so as to eliminate the possible suspects. ah! awesome game. =)

playing board games doesn't make u a geek. i.m.o, its one of the best ways to interact with your friends and doing something mentally engaging and conversing with fun smart pple is SO much better than staring at a movie screen [with the exception of a marathon of LOTR]..! ah.. talking about board games makes me wanna go to Oasis. its this awesome cafe/boardgame shop where u can just sit and play games in Bugis. i think we're [all the cuzzins] going there after our family christmas party this year - which is gonna be GREAT.

ah. i wanna go take a nap. or make some coffee. my brain has stopped working. i cant even construct proper sentences w/o thinking v. hard. -.-"

ah. i'm off. needa make my BIG cuppa coffee. X)

i remember. you think i've forgotten but i haven't.

i remember that we had a long drawn conversation that started our friendship on 3 december 2004.

i remember christmas 2004.

i remember all the breakfasts you used to buy me.

i remember valentine's day. i remember ALL the movies we watched together.

i remember alll the silly conversations we had in the middle of the night and how you always used to make me giggle like crazy.

i remember how much i HATED dota. and how you taught me how to use OMGWTPBBQ!

i remember the fights. i remember crying.

you think i've forgotten, and you think i don't care.

just f.y.i, thats utter bullshit.

world aids day today so here's my take.

girls love boys, boys love sex. so for chrissakes use a condom. or girls - just stick to chocolate.

lol. but ok seriously, aids is an epidemic in the world today that shouldnt be taken lightly. its infecting many people [esp. youths] around the world and as many organizations come together to combat this disease, i believe we all can, and should, play a part in fighting the spread of this disease.

so, you may be asking how you can help. 1. get educated. know what HIV and Aids is really about and how to prevent it. whats more, stay informed. 2. spread the word and BE HEARD. tell your friends. just cos we're living in Singapore does not mean that people are immune to the virus. 3. join NGOs like the ONE campaign to be one of the voices that encourage world political leaders to commit to making a difference in places like Africa.

please click on the link below my tagboard for more information. and people please practise safe sex. =) don't be apathetic and think that it's up to others to make a difference.


ok so thats all for the world aids day post. i'll post my prom pics up soon. or maybe not. i'm v. lazy, so just go to my multiply website. click here and check them out urself. =) today went to catch chicken little and IT SUCKED. seriously. and this coming from an animated film lover like moi speaks bounds. its almost as bad as Shark Tale. and oh god shark tale was really bad. i went to watch it with jessica despite imdbdotcom warning me about it with the horrifying 5.6 rating. lesson learnt => always trust imdb ratings.

ah. off to play BOGGLE with my siblings. hahahahahaha. can't believe we're playing boggle. think we're going to play cluedo after that. we're a family of NERDS. lol. au revoir!

am inspired to blog. somewhat. hahaha. been a long time since i did a proper post and after all the philo-ing everyone's been giving me. i think its time to blog. speaking of philo-ing, all i can say about the nigels beloved subject is that its DAMN CHYM LA. but very interesting actually. the million dollar question remains:

"IS the ball RED?" of "Is the BALL RED?" lol. nigel's asked me b4, n babe, i really don't see the difference. the ball is just red la! lol. but apparently i'm too simple minded. philosophers are supposed to think harder.... ok maybe i'm not cut out to do philo. shit la i'm so indecisive. haha.

anyway. was talking to weizhong today [thank u wei zhong for my jacket. yummy yummy stuff. XD] at starbucks and we were talking about teenagers and finding ur own identity. well yea we also talked about alot of things... religion, life.. u know the whole philo shit. =)

i will never understand people [teenagers especially] who try so hard to put on different 'skins' in their effort to find themselves. yes i know that the teenage years are those where you're on the road to self discovery and whatnot. but do u really need to do it by trying on different personas? i see many people [a.k.a teenagers] around me who are so... fake and shallow [ah we'll come to the shallow part later harhar]. fake in the way they dress, their speach, and their whole being actually. some try to be street. "man this is so dope. its just so phat." others become k-pop, j-pop wannabes.

i'm not saying its wrong to 'imitate' the trends/people you admire. after all, imitation is the highest form of flattery. but still. trying to so desperately hard be a photocopy of _________ [fill in the blank urself] is just so.. wrong..! there's no sense of self identity, no sense of individualism.

i know i imitate people. i try to be like the brilliant ms wintour cos i adore her. n there's nothing wrong with that. but when u try to imitate something, u gotta at least try to inculcate it into ur personality, so whatever u say/do/wear becomes you. not a copy of godknowswho.

i see teenagers everywhere who have no sense of identity. all blindly following what people tell them or what they see. and becos of their lack of self identity, they don't have any convictions. nada zilch zero nyet. like plasticine they're moulded by their circumstances. so i see them trying on different 'skins', trying to see which one they're comfortable in.. but never quite getting it right. worst of all, they don't know whats important in life.

and today i found out that OH. adults dont magically change just cos they're adults. they remain the way they left their teenage yrs unless they make a conscious effort to change.

i know i'm still discovering myself. i'm not some special genius teenager who has already discovered the meaning of existence and what shit. but i also know that i'm very comfortable with who i am now, and i know that despite my lack of a clear identity, i am not a follower. i am a unique individual.yea sure i might not know who i am exactly, but does anybody? really know themselves? we're all in the midst of self discovery.

ah shit i suddenly think i sound so zen. hahaha. but ok seriously. all i'm trying to say can be summed up in that judy garland quote

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

yups. =D we talked about alot of other things as well. but putting it all into one post would be damn weird... or would it? heck. i'm the blogger so i get to decide.




can't believe the year's coming to an end. and honestly, i'm really glad its going to end soon. it has by far been the worst year of my life. i have become more of a cynic. and yea i've most definitely changed. daddy's cancer [again], was a major blow. going thru the godawful o levels [and yes i maintain my stand that it was bloody fucking awful cos even tho the papers were good, preparing for it was like HELL la. i had no life and it was so beyond terrible that i thot i was going to go nuts more than once. staring at those stupid TYSes really drove me up the wall.] was pure torture and it only made me realize how much i hate HATE studying yet have to do it.

overall its been a painful year. and pain's a funny thing. the pain doesn't dissipate with time. it remains wedged in my heart, and everytime i think of it, it's like a big yellow school bus hitting me in the face. but it's the pain that has made me grow up much faster i guess. put alot of things in perspective and its definitely made me less shallow and more of a cynic. [not that i wasn't one to begin with]

oh well. i've ranted enough. =) it's time to stop being so jaded and cynical, sarah ling.

onto other things, i can't wait to get my prom photos!!! man they're gonna look so fab hahaha.

plus plus plus, i'm meeting my babe JESSICA [who actually wore a DRESS to her formal. like OMGWTPBBQ!?! i nearly died when i heard the news so i'll finally be able to get the dirt on that hahaha] tmr and man i'm super excited. haha. maybe we can drag Ai Ping along and then it'll be like the good ol' days. hopefully jessica will have gotten rid of that awful aussie slang. if not, i'm gonna poke it out of her... or something. hahahha.

also. I GOT THE SUPER COOL NEW LEVI'S JACKET! thank u wei zhong for burning a hole in ur pocket. =D ah i am such a brand snob. but a happy one at that. haha. now my sister seems so willing to trade her abercrombie one for mine when a few days ago the A&F jacket was forbidden. hmmm.... i wonder why. hahahahahahahaha. i am still floating on the cloud of true religion jeans, only now i'm wearing my levi's jacket on it. lol. XD

OH! I JUST REALIZED! mickey's birthday is on 3 Dec. wa my baby finally turns 3! should buy him a dog cake huh... okok. someone remind me on MSN please. X)

ok. enough nonsense for one day. i wanna sleep.

goodnight world. =)