JASON MRAZ IS COMING DOWN TO SINGAPORE FOR THE MOSAIC MUSIC FESTIVAL!!!

I WANT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who cares about the Kings of Convenience when Mr. Mraz is in town?!?!?! hahahahaha. Any Jason Mraz fans? Let's go for the concert together!!!! I think I'm more willing to part with my $$ for him as compared to Oasis. Jason Mraz's live shows are.. superb! And I would know cos' I've listened to his live sets and man.. amazing. He is true music genius cos' he improvises so well..! Screw all the drama of a concert, screw the pyrotechnics. It takes a true musician to be able to blow people's minds with just a guitar and a mic.

I WANT TO GO!!!!!! It's on March 17 and I'm so excited hahaha.


Anyway speaking of $$, happy CNY all!

Ah, the smell of crisp new notes and the meeting of relatives and friends.. It's a good time of the year. X) And I haven't even started with how amazing the food is at CNY. Happy happy joyjoy.

When I was younger, I actually believed that madarin oranges (more fondly known as 'gum' in Cantonese) = $$. I was quite intrigued as to how come the phenomenon happened once a year. I was... about 7 back then. Hahaha.

Enjoy the hols ya'll. I know I will. Cheers!

I Carry Your Heart With Me, E.E Cummings

I carry your heart with me(I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it(anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet) I want
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart)



-------------



Watched In Her Shoes a few days back and this poem is said by Cameron's character to her sister during her sister's wedding. Too beautiful for me to forget so I just had to post it.

Amanda, Jessica, Li Xian - I carry your hearts.

Went to the TJ carnival today to meet my good friends Wilbur and YuTing. Like any normal carnival, it was boring, hot, messy, noisy and I was bored stiff. So it must have been a pretty good carnival lol. Hanging out with my 2 chums was the best, and it made me realize I actually do miss Secondary School (yes I know how warped it must sound, esp. coming from my mouth) - and I do mean more than the people there, I actually miss Secondary School life. From passing stupid notes about the teacher at the board hoping she/he won't catch me... to just being so bloody bored in a stupid lesson *coughAMADZcough* but pretending to be so attentive. Hahaha. Those were the good days. As much as I'd hate to admit it, Secondary School Life was actually pretty fun. Today was really funny cos' Wil and I kept saying the same things at the same time..! Lol. Ah both of us really flow man. It was so fun.. hahahaha.

Ok just to digress here, I actually didn't really like TJ. It felt so much like.. Secondary School. And somehow when I think about it, that's not what I want to do - Secondary School all over again doesn't sound like much fun. Not to mention the fact that it will be much harder, more stressful, and basically a hellhole.

Not the way I want to spend the next two years of my life. I might sound biased, but after seeing what poly life is like and also what JC life is like, I am more and more convinced that I don't want to go the JC route. In all honesty, I used to be rather prejudiced against poly students. Didn't think they were that smart at all. But my opinions are changing I guess. Admittedly, it is hard to let go of the stereotype I've held so long but from today I shall stop being so judgemental. I think poly life will be very fun haha. X)


So anyway, I was with Mr. Koh and Ms. Ang and all of a sudden Mr Koh asked me a very strange question (well not so strange once he told me it was the motion of a class debate he was participating in) -

"Do you think Singaporean teenagers are passionate?"

My automatic answer was a big loud NO! but when I thought of it some more, I realized my answer was very flawed. First of all, what is passion? I checked it up in the dictionary and it says

pas·sion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pshn)n.
1 a. A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger.

2 a. Ardent love.
b. Strong sexual desire; lust.
c. The object of such love or desire.

3 a. Boundless enthusiasm: His skills as a player don't quite match his passion for the game.
b. The object of such enthusiasm: Soccer is her passion.

The fact is, SG teens are a rather passionate bunch. Just about the... less important things in life I guess. In other words, their passions are... misdirected (if I may use the word). I don't say this to judge, but rather as a commentary from someone who is 'on the inside'. As I look at my friends, they all have their different passions - some are passionate (virtually obsessed more likely) about getting good grades, others are passionate about the opposite sex. Then there are those who are passionate about the usual stuff - clothes, music blahblahblah. The worst of them all, i.m.h.o, are those who are passionate about certain stars they see.

And by passionate I don't mean me and my crush on Brad Pitt. It is more like standing in the rain for 4 hours just to take a picture with a certain *coughunqualifiedCOUGH* Singapore Idol finalist named Mr. Sim. Now if that's not passion - I wouldn't know what is. Lol. So instead of caring about hurricanes and widespread poverty in the world, they are more concerned whether their beloved boyband breaks up.

Kinda sad, isn't it?

Before you out there accuse me of accusing anyone, I'll be the first to admit that I am one of those teenagers who are not passionate about important issues in the world. I am not heartless or apathetic. I know about world issues, I am one who actually believes in making a difference through The One organization and I have parted with my money (yes, Nigel - I take from my Help-Sarah-Buy-an-iPod-Video Fund lol) to give to various non profit organizations.

But I can't call myself passionate. As much as I'd like to - that'd be lying. Because passion is more than just giving a few dollars occasionally to help the needy - it's being about crazily enthusiastic about something you care about SO MUCH.

For example, I am SO passionate about music and fashion. I am passionate about my friends and I love life.

I am passionate about life.

For a while, I actually forgot that fact cos' I was semi depressed about my Dad. Angry at the world, angry at everything and practically everyone. I didn't think there was much to live for cos' life just seemed like such a pain. Somehow.. Over the weeks... I believe I am starting to get better. I am once again passionate about living. More than just existing for the sake of existing - but actually being excited to wake up in the morning. I went w/o feeling that way for wayyyy too long. Don't get me wrong, the pain I feel has not diminished. In contrast, it's been increasing cos' frankly, my dad is getting worse.

He used to just take morphine syrup, now he needs 2 patches of morphine + the syrup for it to actually work. That's a hell lot of painkillers. He stopped taking solid food cos his small intestine's too bloated to digest anything. He stopped going for chemo cos' the drug didn't work at all. And although the next piece of info might seem insignificant, but it's something that really scares me - he's losing hair. And getting thinner. The outward appearance has changed so drastically... It still scares me sometimes.


BUT. There's been a peace I haven't felt in a long time. Amidst my fears, I am some how strangely reassured that I will pull through this. It might not seem like a big deal to you out there - but to me it means the world. A few nights ago I was browsing through this website where this Christian band, Superchic[k], has samples of their music. Now normally I wouldn't listen to a band that has such a... name. But because I'd happened to chance upon a cover of a Veggie Tales (click here) song they did which I really really liked (It's called the Water Buffalo song hahahaha) and the girls vocals were pretty damn good. SO. I listened to this one song, called Beauty From Pain and that is an awesome song. Simple and the lyrics really move me, you know? I can really relate to it. And somehow it's no longer just another sappy song wailing about love lost, but it's something with substance. (Lyrics here) The chorus goes:

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Amazing song I tell you. So, back to what I was talking about. I am happy to say that the old Sarah is coming back - the one who was passionate about life and love is re-emerging. So watch out world!

Ok, since we're on the topic of being passionate, can I just be a bimbo and say...

OH MY GOD I AM SO TOTALLY EXCITED THAT FEB 1 IS COMING AND THE NEW LUELLA BARTLEY-TARGET LINE WILL BE OUT THEN!!!!!!!! Her dresses are so goddamn pretty and the best thing is they are AFFORADABLE! =D Now who out there hasn't bought me a present? You can make it up to me by offering to pay for my SHIPPING. I'm not even asking you to buy the clothes for me. Just the shipping. Lol. PLUS! A/W 2006 collection will be premiering in NYC soon. It is always a good time to see my beloved Karl Lagerfield (forever will I be jealous of Sarah Jessica Parker....) and his awesome Chanel collections. Sleek, sophisticated... EXCITING! Okok last fashion update - has anyone seen the Dior haute couture fashion show pictures??? (Check here) What was Galliano thinking?!?! Horror movie themes were supposed to be kept FAR AWAY from the run way. Dracula is NOT cool. And since when has a haute couture fashion show become a cabaret? I'll watch a Victoria's Secret (which was FABULOUS btw) Fashion Show if i want to.

Ok. Done with my fashion rant. I'm a happy happy girl. Finally.

X)

I typed out this long, brilliant post and I was about to post it, when IE hanged.

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTHHHHHHHHHHH.......................................


I AM SO BLOODY PISSED LA....

And it's not even funny lor.

GAH.

Supposed to do the whole commentary on the Golden Globes red carpet (see Jan 05 Archives) as my normal ritual but am not in the mood to do anything that requres me to post pictures or type out long french names atm. The only thing I will talk about is Ms Ziyi Zhang (WHY IS SHE CALLED ZIYI ZHANG?!?!?) and her lime green shocker. Kudos to her for looking fabulous and different. Although a tad tooooo skinny for my taste, that's just my perosnal preference. I like a woman.. more curvacious. Haha. And another thing - I was SO HAPPY when Ms Witherspoon got the award for Best Actress!!! I started to become a big fan of hers after reading an interview she had done with W. Here's part of the interview -

On the subject of women, and especially women in Hollywood today, she has some very firm ideas that she doesn't hesitate to air. And although she won't mention any of the starlets by name, anyone who has watched The Simple Life or Newlyweds wouldn't have a hard time guessing.

"There is something in the zeitgeist right now about women wanting to portray themselves as stupid," Witherspoon says. "I don't know if these women are actresses or singers or whatever they are, but I know they're not stupid."

"The thing that worries me most is that this generation of young women hasn't been fully taught about the strides made by the women's movement in the not-so-distant past—the struggle for votes or to be recognized for legitimate opinions," she continues. "It irritates me that the sort of fad that 'stupidity is cute' might really be doing some serious damage. It's the cheap answer, and let's hope that their moment fades. Sorry, but I have a little girl."

I.M.O she is awesome! And rather pretty too. We know she's talented after her role as June Carter - so she's more than just a pretty face. Simply awesome. X) If you want the full interview, go here.




So my cousins came down from KL exactly a week ago and the darlings Samuel (6 yrs old) and Elijah (10 months) were cuter than ever. Despite Elijah being so young, the vast character differences between he and his brother are very obvious. I think it'll be very fun watching him grow up. Cos in a weird way, the smaller 'ling' (technically not a Ling anymore, but half-Ling. lol) reminds me of my Daddy. He's a very cheerful baby (you know how some babies can be like grumpus in the flesh...) and an extremely resourceful one at that. Plus he is truly handsome. Blessed with amazing features (big eyes + sharp nose), the darling is so lovable, especially when he is crawling around the house trying to get hold of Mickey. He seems to have gotten fond of pulling my poor doggy's fur lol. Samuel is less.. 'outgoing' in a sense. But he is blur and cute and a future computer geek. That genius actually knows how to play PS2 games properly. Not anyhow press buttons, but seriously play RPG games + NBA 2006. Ah! I love them so much!

Some people say I am 'motherly' - am I? I love kids and I can handle them well, so I guess I am hahahaha. But it's rather innate, you know? When I think of my future kids.. Man I'm going to love them sooo much. When I can love my cousins so much already.. what more my future kid? Haha


Ok - I am really sleepy now. More about the TP open house tomorrow. Nights world. X)

For majority of my life, I've thought that all I needed in life were a few good friends. Today, I realized the importance of family. The phrase blood is thicker than water (is it a translation from Chinese?) is something I actually am beginning to believe in. Had a long talk with the siblings (read: the older sister and brother) and for the first time in all these months Papa's been sick, I actually talked to them about my fears, my anger, my frustration and sadness.

If you didn't already figure out, I have never been one to share my emotions with my siblings. I blamed it on the large age gap.. the huge differences in character.. the fact that we never really 'clicked'. Even after I 'grew up', I always felt that they regarded me as a child. I can be very gum with my girlfriends, but I have never understood what people meant when they said their siblings were their friends.

It is time to change things.

It started as a 'quarrel' with the older brother - he was trying to show concern for me and I was just pissed and too stupid to listen, I guess. So we had the usual screaming shouting when I suddenly got too tired to fight anymore. Thank God I got too tired. Cos' it was then we actually started to calm down and converse with each other properly. Something memorable about the conversation I want to write down. It went something like this:

"Why can't you talk to anyone? Why are you so angry all the time? Why can't you talk to me?"

"How to talk to you? Most of the time we talk you are either scolding me or damn pissed with me la.."

"Aiya.. You can just come and talk to me or your sister what..."

"Well, you (points to sister) have Kelvin, and you have Bernie. I don't have anyone - how to talk to you guys"

"I'm your kor.. Of course you can talk to me ok. I promise I won't get angry with you or what. I'll be here to listen to you."

By this time, I am already crying since it had been a rather bad quarrel and a really awful day.

My bro did something he's never done before - he asked me to sit on his lap. It might sound like a minor thing, but to me it was something MEGA. He had never really shown such affection for me before. It was something only daddy would do to comfort me after he had scolded me or something. And yet, my kor was asking me to sit on his lap cos he wanted to hug me. *cue touching music haha*

So after I was on his lap, he said something I know I won't forget for a long time..


"You know that I will always take care of you and I love you right."


It's not something you'll hear come out of the mouth of my bro very often. It only happens when the different stars align to form a cow shape and the moon turns pink. Haha. But seriously speaking.. today was a very good day, or night for that matter. Being able to talk to my kor and jie properly without the screaming and quarrelling, to share my fears with them was honestly a first for me. Telling them about how silly that oncologist was when he answered daddy's questions today and how upset I was to hear what he had to say. Telling them how angry I was with those churchies and how I try as I might, am still unable to accept any God at the moment. Basically letting what I've been bottling up and keeping from the close friends out to them.

And they listened. And loved me.


I don't hold any delusions of us becoming super duper friends any time soon, but I know for a fact that they are always going to be there for me (longer than any friend will be anyway) cos' blood is thicker than water. And as a family, we are going to pull through this together. Honestly, I already feel lighter. It's like my load has lightened and I'm no longer carrying this alone. We all have our different ways of grieving, but ultimately, we are doing this together. It's like I can finally feel like someone understands what I'm going through. Someone really knows how it feels cos they are going through the same thing as well. It doesn't make the situation any better, but at least I know I am no longer alone.


So after all the emotional dramarama, we actually sat down and chatted. Talked about what I wanted to do in the short term future and whether I should take the JC route or the Poly route. After listening to what both of them have to say, I am actually seriously considering going to poly now - not cos' I am unconfident about my O lvl results but cos' I actually know what I really wanna do in life and what course I want to take in Uni. But all this for my next post haha. We talked about jie and her insurance business (I have no idea why she studied so hard only to come out to sell insurance) and...

Honestly? What we talked about was unimportant. They were trivial day to day things... But the fact we were seated together in kor's room chatting - all three of us - was really enjoyable. It felt super good. The normalcy of it all was comforting.

I am truly grateful for my kor and jie - they are beyond amazing I tell you. And though I never tell them, I truly admire them and my sis is practically my role model (hopefully she won't read this). Albeit grudgingly, I want to be like her when I 'grow up'. And despite the fact I rarely tell him, I do love my kor like crazy. I get insanely happy when he shows me affection by giving me small presents or a hug or something.


I think I'll finally be able to sleep well tonight. X)

It's been a looonngg week, to say the least.

First of all, just wanna say a big thank you to all you sweeties out there who have showered me with love and affection over the past few days. Christian or non-christian.. it doesn't really matter does it? Only some nuts *coughAaCOUGH* actually draw a line with friends and religion. Oh well, he's an anomaly I guess. (Nigel aren't you proud of me!) For the other wonderful people in my life - you dudes + dudettes make the world a nicer place to live in. Love you!


So. Updates on my dad so that you guys out there will stop asking me how he is and I can finally stop typing the same thing down over and over again. Lol. He's out of the hospital (was discharged yesterday) but to tell you the truth things aren't looking up. I shan't go on about how INEFFICIENT and SLOW the doctors + nurses at SGH are even though my dad is alr. in a B1 ward... But there was little they could do. Except give him lotsa morphine to numb the pain. Was running in and out of the hospital and it just made me remember last year - only last year it was less scary. I hate being in hospitals I tell you. So anyway, the docs discharged him yesterday cos he demanded to be brought back home (no wonder why) and we went to see his oncologist just now. It's. Very. Bad. News. Don't wish to elaborate further... But ah I'm not in the happiest of moods.


I need a Fried Mars Bar. Anyone wants to treat me?

RANT POST.

I just got back from the hospital and I'm past the point of sleeping. Spent the last 5 hours at SGH, where the doctors and nurses strive to be inefficient. It was a pretty awful experience for me cos' daddy was in a crazy amount of pain - so bad that we had to rush him to the hospital cos' we didn't know what to do - and I was pretty much freaked. Add some fear, confusion, more fear to the mix and you get a vague idea of how I was feeling. But now on top of that, I am angry. So angry, that I am appalled by a certain someone's behavior.

Let's call this guy A.A (Aa for short). Aa is a real friend - a true gentleman.

NOT.

He is, in fact a big fat motherfucking asshole whom I am currently raining curses on. A true churchie - only he is so deluded and plain mean that he is not fit to call himself a christian. Unless of course a christian is supposed to act the way he did. You christians out there tell me what you think he really is after this post.

As many of you know, I am no longer a christian. That is to say, I don't believe in Jesus - much less like him very much. And honestly, I think I have a right to be pissed at this so called god. Pardon me if you're offended - but a guy who is supposed to heal gives my dad so much pain is seriously warped in the head. Who would do such a thing to a person he supposingly loves? I don't know about you - but giving someone lotsa pain is not the best way to show love. But we shan't go into this right now.. discussing my religion (or lack thereof) will be for another angry post.

I was at the hospital freaking out so I called Aa. Mr Aa used to be a very very good friend of mine and I really was very lost and confused and afraid. It turned out to be the worst mistake of the night.

Ok - more background info here. I haven't been on talking terms with Aa cos' we both had a major fight and he had told me he'd moved on and I was no longer important to him as a friend. In hindsight, I should have realized what a complete asshole he was back then (Dec '05) since he could suddenly completely remove me from his life w/o any feelings. But you know me - the one who tries to believe in the good in people, thought it was just a phase. HA. I blame my stupidity for that.

So I called him, and the conversation went something along the lines of this:


"Hello.... hello"

"Hello?"

"Hi... Sorry for calling you but I'm really scared and freaked right now so I just wanted to call somebody..."

"Oh why. Your dad's in the hospital izzit."

*Note: I coudn't exactly remember what he said, but I remember the nonchalance in his voice. It was as it was nothing big and that I was over reacting to it. I'm sure he didn't mean it that way, but I seriously could heard the sianness dripping from his voice*

"Huh.. How did you know?" (Cos I had called another mutual friend and told him I was in the hospital so I thought friend W had told him)

"Why else would you call me right."

And once again his voice was dripping with ennui - like he was too busy to bother with me or something. He then went on to say "Erm I'll pray for your dad lor. You should too."

CAN I TELL U HOW PISSED I WAS TO HEAR HIM LIKE THAT?!?! The conversation went on for a few more seconds and I promptly hung up cos' I really didn't want to talk to such an asshole.

Aa msged me a while later and his sms went (and I quote) :

"Hey sarah. Callin me won't help. I'm not ur God. But i know there's a God who can help u. And u know that too. U still can seek him"

Sidenote: I was so appalled when I read the sms. LIKE WAD?!!!??? WHO SAYS SUCH THINGS?!?!?!

To which I replied

"Oh for crying out loud don't give me that! I don't need your fucking christian shit. I don't need that. I called you cos' I needed a FRIEND. Turns out I called the wrong number."

After 30 minutes, he sent the most fuckingly idiotic sms he could ever send in the context of this situation.

"U dun need a friend. U need Jesus."

I was so furious, I replied

"Oh yes I need him cos' he's been there right? Oh wait. He HASN'T. Ah don't give me your christian shit please. If you sms me not to give me comfort but to tell me your christian shit then STFU, please."

LIKE WTF LA?! Even as I retype it I am seething with anger. I cannot believe him and how some people can actually say that...!

Say that I'm over reacting if you must - but for the record, when a friend calls you and she is freaking out cos' her dad is in the hospital, the least you could do is feign concern. Not make your ennui audible and worse still, later give her your holy mumbo jumbo trying to show ur piousness. I mean, when flaky religious piousness overrides a person's sense of compassion and sympathy for a friend - or just a fellow human being for that matter, that person has some serious serious issues.

For christians who actually think there's nothing wrong with what he did, please stay far far away from me. I've been a christian before - and god knows what bible you read but I know the one I read didn't tell you to dismiss your friends' pain and throw religious horse shit at them to so called 'win them to christ'. You want to win a friend to christ? You gotta meet their needs first - not tell them what they do or don't need.

Aa, sometimes I wonder whether you really practise what you preach about praying during a crisis, or whether you've been where I've been - a place of utter dispair where even praying doesn't seem to help anymore. If I remember correctly, someone wasn't so 'holy' when he was going through a rough patch. In fact, I vaguely remember a certain someone wanting to keep the truth about a relationship he had from his leaders. So much for christian accountability and honesty. Ha. Something else that really turned me off was the "i'm not your god" phrase. You deluded piece of crap! You seriously overrate yourself, you know? When anyone calls you during a crisis - it's not because they think you are god - how could you even think such a thing?!

Man I'm so fucking pissed can. I really cannot believe such people exist in the world. Hypocrite. Deluded hypocrite. Asshole! That know nothing twit. GRRR.


------


Done with my rant. I just had to get it out of my system cos' I really am feeling damn pissed. Ah well, I better head off to bed. Gotta wake up early to get down to the hospital.

Went to a wedding today. It wasn't very special, there weren't any elaborate decorations, the gown was simple, the reception just a normal, and dare I used the word - boring one. Yet, in the midst of the simplicity and mediocrity of it all - no fancy party or big bash - I must, grudgingly, admit that the couple were very much in love. Etched across their faces were their mutual adoration for each other. The bride looked radiant, and the one thing that caught my eye was the pride and joy on her daddy's face.

And then the fear came again, coupled with an intense jealousy for her. What if my daddy isn't able to make it for my wedding and walk me down the aisle?

I have dreamt of my perfect wedding (hasn't every girl?) - the Tiffany rock on my finger, the haute couture Vera Wang gown I'll be wearing, the Jimmy Choos on my feet in that small quaint chapel with the beautiful garden with the huge rose bushes (champaigne red roses please) outside. Yet, it all seems to count for naught at the thought of my daddy being unable to enjoy it with me. I wouldn't mind trading in the gown, or even the rock for that matter, for my daddy being present at my wedding. Heck, I wouldn't even mind a disastrous wedding, so long as I have my daddy there to laugh at it with me.

------

Today's wedding was a test for me in more ways than one - not only did I have to confront my biggest fear again, I had to face my past and the people I've been trying to forget. It was painful and at the same time relieving to come face to face with my 'demons'. It was as if my closure was finally and properly gained with the people there - I had left my past behind. And I'm glad I have cos' of as I looked around me and the people whom I used to call confidantes, I realized how ignorant they really are. They live in their bubble where philosophy is a sin (HA!) and individuality is sacrificed at the cost of 'obedience'. Ppphhhfffttt. A load of tosh and rubbish, if you ask me. It's almost as if they live in the Matrix, and I've awoken to see the world and how it's really like. I can no longer be like them - hypocritical.

I'm on to bigger and better things. It's time. I resolve to live more vicariously this year - I want a life without regrets.

Time stood still...
In an instant, our eyes meet and
We touch a piece of eternity...
Will you feel the same?
Will I know your name?

Time stood still once...
Will it stand still again?
Ignited moments never lose their flame.


Found this in a book I have, and I thought it was oddly poignant. Reminds me of young love - the very first meeting, the very first kiss. Even though the whole concept of love has been over commercialized to the point that it has lost majority of it's meaning, sometimes it's good to go back to the basics and the simplicity of it all. Once in a while being a romantic doesn't hurt. Indulging in the belief that someone out there could really love you for who you are.

"You complete me"
"You had me at hello"

Do the phrases look familiar? Ha. Over cliched I know... but sometimes the heart wants to believe in it, you know what I mean?

Sorry this is an absolutely rubbish post - I just watched Jerry Maguire you see.

My neck is hurting like crazy (Nigel says its 'growing pains'. Makes me feel like I'm a giraffe when he says that) and it's 3.30 in the morning. More when I can actually form proper sentences. Goodnight world.

ANBERLIN ANBERLIN!

I love Anberlin. And I love Breaking News too. X)

Some people ask me how I am able to like so many different genres of music and honestly, I don't know. Haha. Music to me is the blood that rushes through my veins, the air I breathe. I might not be an uber talented singer/songwriter but I do know how to appreciate good music. I believe, good music reaches into your soul and moves you. I do believe good music goes beyond the boundaries of language and genre. It speaks a language unexpressable through words.

Hmmm. How to explain this.. Ok, the genres are merely different people. Different people conveying themselves in different languages - but ultimately they have the same message. For example, good punk makes me wanna do the head bang and play an air guitar. Punk is the cool dude with the green mohawk who plays the guitar + drums. Jazz, on the other hand, is a slick female. Subtle, confident, very very sexy and at the same time she's able to be vivacious, interesting. Listening to contemporary jazz groups like Breaking News makes me wanna sit back with a nice cuppa coffee relaxing and enjoying the music. Oldies from the legends like Ms Fitzgerald, Mr Armstrong and Sinatra serenade me and transport me back to the 60s. Get what I mean? I guess I don't really focus on the genre. It's just gotta sound good and it can even be a pop song. Haha.

That's not to say I don't have my preferences. I adore jazz. And punk. LOVE IT!

So, check out Anberlin and ignore what Egan says. Hahaha. And go check out Breakings News cos' their song Coffee Cup is simply amazing. Blows my mind I tell you. And erm - many thanks to Mr. Wong for sharing the good music with me. I owe you!

Speaking of music, I WANT TO INTERN AT A RADIO STATION. I need to sound fun, dynamic and creative. HELP! Ideas, anyone?

More later. Sayonara

Recap of 2005:

Best thing about the year - the fact that it's OVER. lol.

Worst thing about the year - we don't really need to go there, do we?

Most enjoyable moment - hmmm. There were quite a few memorable outings I really enjoyed this year. But one that I can really remember was National Day with the fireworks display, and that specific outing with LiXian when we were at the Esplanade library together. There was nothing special about it, but the fact that it felt so comfortable was one of the best things. I remember feeling "this girl is a keeper" and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be stuck with Xian for many years to come. =D

And if 2005 could be summed up into one phrase, it'd be

Life's a bitch - deal with it.

Yes, over cliched I know, but that does basically sum up the most of my 2005. lol. Anyway, the last week of last year (it always strikes me strange how last year can be just minutes ago) was spent rather eventfully. I had my ultra emo post where for the first time I was brutally honest (to myself more importantly than to anyone else), I made 2 new friends, solidified 2 other friendships, and learned that there are an amazing bunch of people who really love me. Not a bad way to spend the last week of 2005, don't you think? X) Making friends - man that's one of the most fun things to do. Finding someone whom you can click with, and connecting. Haha the word connecting always makes me think of Friendster. How we are inter-related and connected to one another through that certain somebody else. X)

Ok one last thing before I hit my bed - I just really wanna thank you (you know who you are) for being an amazing friend. For writing me that email, for sending that short sms, for just letting me know you care and you're there. From the bottom of my heart, I truly thank you. Thank you for being an angel.

No matter who you are, or how 2005 has treated you, I hope you have an awesome year ahead. After all, the only thing you need is a bunch of awesome friends, and you're set to face whatever happens in 2006. I'm thankful I've got my bunch. X) Happy New Year everybody. Cheers!