tomorrow's monday.

and i'm terrified.

last time i checked, being dramarama and emo-wemo is so last season.

lol.

so i guess its time to stop the crying, and get on with it. i'm still really sad.. but being sad ain't helping anything. i've moped enough.. n now i really need to MUG!!!! shit la. been stoning the past few days.. really like shit man. i need to do well for O lvls. for my daddy. =D

and chem practical is in 5 DAYS LA!

shitshit. okok. off to my favourite macdonalds seat. harhar.

but before i go, just wanna shout out to all the pple who have been ever so sweet and nice to me the past few days. all the small smses, the IMs on MSN, the calls.. i really appreciate it guys [and girls]. it's only when u go thru shit that u differenciate the friends from the aquaintances.. and i'm really really blessed to have a whole load of chummy chums wit me. X) louder shoutouts to li xian - who's the sweetest girlfren anyone could have, sin ma - for taking time out of his bzbz schedule to talk shit with me, quanquan - the bestest bestie who willingly wastes money to take cab just to pick me up and drop me off to school. hahaha.

thanks, thanks, and many thanks.


ok its time to hit the books. au revoir!

i'm fragile.
i'm strong.

i need to take care of my mommy and daddy.
i need someone to take care of me.

i want to forget all the bad things.
i still hold on to the heartache.



my heart's never been so scared, or hurt so bad.

if only this were a nightmare

i'm fragile.
i'm strong.

i need to take care of my mommy and daddy.
i need someone to take care of me.

i want to forget all the bad things.
i still hold on to the heartache.



my heart's never been so scared, or hurt so bad.

if only this were a nightmare

Silence Jars of Clay

Take, Take 'til there's nothing
Nothing to turn to
Nothing when you get through
Won't you break,
Scatter pieces of all I've been
Bowing to all I've been
Running to
Where are you?

Where are you?

Did you leave me unbreakable,
Leave me frozen, I've never felt so cold
I thought you were silent,
And I thought you left me
For the wreckage and the waste
On the empty beach of faith
Was it true?

Cuz I, I got a question
I got a question,
Where are you?

Scream,
Deeper I wanna scream
I want you to hear me
I want you to find me
Cause I, I want to believe
But all I pray is wrong
And all I claim is gone

And I, I got a question
I got a question
Where are you?

Yeah, yeah...

Well, I, I got a question
I got a question
Where are you?

Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?



i'm fragile.

the last day of school came and went. i've already graduated.

i'm not part of the cchms alumni. woah sounds so sut huh. hahahaha..

we didn't cry as much as i thought we would.. i guess the experience was too surreal for us. it was like watching ourselves on a tv show.. taking lots of pictures.. signing autographs... taking more pictures... trying to capture all the moments that had been insignificant the past four yrs but suddenly became so important.

but it was good la. i really gained closure to my secondary school life. i know that i have not lost my friends, and i am moving on in a new phase of my life. we had a bbq on sun and it was actuallly pretty fun [except for the crazy cockroach turning up]! just totally not the time cos we are all supposed to MUG!


not that i have any mood anyway. cos... like many of u know, i havent been doing well the past few days, since friday. cos i got big news about my daddy and becos of that [the news], everything seems so insignificant and unimportant....

well. its hard for me to say it and feel ok. but let me say it and get it over n done with.



my daddy's got cancer.
again.



its the third time in 4 years. and its not good la. seriously not good. dont wanna delve into details... so yups. if i seem unhappy, or moody, or grumpy... i am not pmsing. i am just not feeling happy. so if i seem to be miss biatch, grin and bear with it.


yups. thats all. i have no mood to say anything else.


laters

tomorrows the official last day of my secondary school life.

the last lessons.. the last time i'm going to sit under the fan and talk shit with yu ting..

the last time we go down to recess together during a proper school day...


sigh.


let the waterworks begin.

darlings.

f.y.i.


i am not a lesbian.


seriously. i like guys too much. X) as weird n totally nuts the male homosapien species may seem, i still like them. their actually easier to understand cos they're still so primal. =p all the caveman instincts so deeply imbedded within them... much easier to handle as compared to a complex female. hahaha.

ok. off to lala land. this girl seriously needs some sleep.


nightey nights dahlings!

the esplanade library is truly beautiful. went there to study today. n yes i successfully mugged in the nice nice library. even had one whole table to myself. harharhar.

xian met me at 7++ and we had fun talked nonsense together. i really really love spending time with her. X) and even if its just doing nothing or absolute nonsense like trying to dance in that cool room in the esplanade library.. its comforting. u know?

i think we've come to the point where we can sit in silence and yet feel so comfortable. we don't need to have pointless superficial conversation about the weather and god knows what, just to get us talking.. and it feels really nice. know what i mean? its not like we talk about serious stuff all the time, but its just so easy to talk about anything and everything. X)

sounds so lesbianish la...! hahahaha. i wonder what it'll be like if i become a lesbian. not that bad right? the funny thing is, i can picture myself being with a girl, and feeling totally ok with it. is it really that bad? yes yes i know all the religious stuff on how god created a man and a woman, not man+man/woman+woman. but still i can honestly say i am pretty interested in how a relationship with a girl would be like. har. and i dont mean a relationship with a butch/bung cos i find that really weird. its like a substitute for a guy... i mean.. i dont really understand butches/bungs. in fact i dont understand them at all. why the urge to be like a guy? there are enough guys in the world, i.m.o. as a female, u're supposed to embrace ur feminity and be proud of being a female. and those females attracted to them.. why? does having a 'second class' guy make u feel more secure?

talking about 'second class-ness' i suddenly rmb a phrase Judy Garland one said.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."


but ok back to the topic on lesbianism. i personally think that being a relationship with a girl would be much easier. less hassle. i mean.. its easier for us to understand each other, right? we'd be able to express ourselves better and deal with all the emo shit together. i find that idea very appealing. not needing to have to try to understand some guy with his huge ego, never bothering to communicate...

but oh wells. these are all my thoughts. i have no intention of becoming a homo/bisexual, so don't worry you out there reading my blog. lol. sarah ling likes guys. XD


ok i'm off to lala land. i need to get my sleeping schedule less screwed up.


au revoir!

8 days to graduation.

i'm feeling so nostalgic now. i seriously can't believe that in a mere 8 days, i'll officially be out of cchms.

out of cchms....

and the best part is after cchms i don't even know where i'm going. i don't even know what i'll be doing. i know what i want to do, but that's different. wanting and it actually happening are two very different things.

the transition stage, from not being a secondary student to being a tertiary student seems so strange me. while i am not afraid of the change that will come with moving on to a new stage of my life, i will really really miss everything i have. i'm having inner conflict. on one hand, i am so excited to finally stop being a secondary student.. n move on to more exciting things. new school new people.. i want to meet new people! but on the other hand... i... don't want to move on and lose what i have now... know what i mean? can i keep what i have and move on at the same time? haha.. so contradicting. -.-""

and looking back, i have changed alot from when i first got into chung cheng and now when i'm leaving. for one, i can actually converse in chinese properly! lol. i've stunned most of the shps peeps when they hear that *gasp* sarah listens to chinese music, speaks chinese, watches jap doramas and willingly reads the fan ti zi, and *gaspgasp* actually likes all of it it?! lol.

but seriously, i've become less innocent, met alot of new people, learned more about myself and how i should be proud of who i am and where i come from. sarah ling has grown up. hahaha. X)


i'll miss sitting at my seat, talking absolute nonsense with yu ting.

i'll miss pretending i'm listening in math lessons when i actually dont give a shit. haha.

i'll miss sending all those millions of notes to xiu and xian.

i'll miss flicking their ears when they start scolding vulgarities.

i'll miss wilbur.. n the way he makes me giggle like crazy so that i can never stop.

i'll miss going down to the canteen and complaining about the food.

i'll miss falling asleep in class...

i'll miss all the little things we do everyday together...

and i still remember...

how i was so noobish on the first day of school la! hahaha. button all the way up like some nerd. good thing char saw me LOL.

being so terrified of the school.. and hating it sooo much at the beginning.

missing school during the first month cos i had a cornea abbrasion.

being in 1 and 2 ep. the naughtiest class in the level.

how i sat with gy and we talked soooo much.

being terrified of flora and zi yan.. i still remember thinking sec 4s were SO big/old. hahaha.

thinking that it'll take a looonngg time for me to become sec 4, when it actually happened in a flash.

being SO elated when i realized i got into the literature class. X)

being such a kantang and hating everything about all the people i assumed were cheena from 3 n 4 gr.

making friends with xiu n xian, and losing my kantangness... hahaha.

joining lake odyssey production and how that helped me grow

the thrill i had when i realized i got into talentime finals this yr. it made me realize how much i loved the stage. X)

all the cards n notes my frens sent to me. how gracians are SO enthu about everything.

how we wore saris on racial harmony day. X)))

getting thru the huge fiasco that happened this yr.. and all the trauma and shock we've [the group of us xian xiu derek.. haha] been thru..

the times i've cried in front of my girlfrens... n them crying with me.

all the little things that have happened and everything we've done together...

i'll remember everything. really.

26 days to my first paper
3 hours of talking.. to my sister
9.4 km of running cos i want to LOSE WEIGHT.
100 bars of chocolate i'll need to release enough endorphins to make me happy
8 e maths p1 n p2 practice papers i've already done
7 points to get into VJC


so that's a few of the numbers in my life now. ha. i just had 3 whole ours of tuition in my boss' shop. h's helping me makr my horrendous work, so i can use the comp.

and after all the tuition, i'm off to study at the esplanade library. sian! i feel like i totally have no life. so irritating. i want to have fun..! and no i don't mean want to be naughty go clubbing get stoned or something. but still. i would love to be able to spend one whole day not studying and NOT feeling guilty about it. it truly sucks when i feel so extremely guilty for taking a 2 hr break. like shit la! i can't even nua in peace.

oh well. can't blog anymore. off to stuff my head with more information. bleaahhh.


see you later alligators.

i didnt know soooo many people who i don't know read my blog.

i didnt know that adults would be interested in the rantings of a 15 yr old.

just shows you how bz body some people are.. reading things that they claim to be uninterested in just for god knows what reason.

probably they want to know me better.

hello. talk to me. u found me out thru friendster right? u can always email me. or send me a message there. as long as u're not some crazy stalker dude, i will be most obliging and go talk to u. i'll even grant u an interview. =)



when a group, or pair, of adults have nothing to converse about except a 15 yr olds blog, u know that they have no life. or at least i think so.

i do have the right to think so right? and in no way am i pointing any fingers at anyone. these are all purely my thoughts. they're not meant to reflect on anyone...


but hey. if the shoe fits....



well i guess i have myself to blame for putting my url on friendster. but what the hell. say what u want. make opinions of me. i dont care.

i'ma happy happy girl. :)