We celebrated Grandma's birthday last Saturday. It was her 83rd. There was the usual fanfare, with the whole family (cousins and all) gathered to celebrate her life.

There was a moment, in between the photo taking and cake cutting, that she reached out her warm hand and touched my face.

"You cut your hair, now you look so cute" she said in Cantonese, admiring the new haircut.

"The weather's so hot, that's why I cut my hair." I answer, delighted with the compliment.

Her attention shifts.

"Haiyo, look at your earrings. Why so huge? Aren't they very heavy?" She exclaims with widened curiosity as she touches my huge hoop earings.

I laugh, and tell her they are fashionable, shaking my head to make them move.

She gives a small sigh, and says,"You grow up so fast, I still remember the times when you were a little girl."

"Time flies, doesn't it." I agree.

There is a momentary pause, as I struggle to find the words that would accurately express how I felt.

I give up, and end up giving her a hug, wishing it alone could convey how much I felt to make up for my miserable Cantonese.

"I love you so much grandma"


-----------


I've mentioned my regret for not learning how to converse with my grandma properly in previous blog posts. The regret for my foolishness for being too caught up being westernized that I threw my dialect, and with it a decent relationship with my grandma, away.

She pampered me when I was young with kuehkuehs from the hawker centre as she walked me home from kindergarten. With ten dollar bills shoved into my hands everytime I saw her as a small blessing. "Go and buy something to eat," she used to alwaya say. She pampered me with the love she showed, with eyes that lit up when she saw me, simply because I'm her youngest grandchild.

My grandma is a strong woman. She single handedly raised six children after her husband passes away, working odd jobs and long hours to support them. There was a time she spoke many dialects, conversed well in Malay, and was a brilliant cook. That was before her stroke about five years ago. But despite losing her lingusitic abilities, and her independence, she remained optimistic.

A few days ago, the boyfriend casually commented on the resemblance I share with my grandma. I have her nose, her cheeks.. The small things.

I hope I've inherited more than that, though.

LimXiuLing,

You are so much braver than most people give you credit for.

I <3 you.

My hand is here waiting to hold yours.

PANIC IS SUCH A GREAT MOTIVATOR.

*RUNS AROUND THE ROOM LIKE HEADLESS CHICKEN

At first, 17 days passed. Then 17 weeks,

and now 17 months.

Everything's changed since then. Me, my friends, my life, our family... everything.


So how come the pain's still the same?

I'll make a brand new start of it
In old New York
If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you, New York, New York.

NEW YORK NEW YORK!

To the city that never sleeps, I <3 YOU. =D


---


A flood of music has suddenly infiltrated my iTunes, and I'm floating on a cloud of goodness. Nutini, Michaelson, The White Stripes, LGS and Kaiser Chiefs to name a few. Soul soothing, mind blowing good tunes. Thank you boyfriend and soulmate for all the lovely tunes.

(:

There we were, sitting at the canteen.

It felt strange, looking at him. There was something so familiar about him - the certain mannerisms and voice intonations of his that made me so comfortable - yet at the same time, he'd changed. Talking to a man, who still had the shadow of the boy I used to know.

We talk about everything, like only old friends can. We talk about makeup and shopping. Life and family. God and religion. Our ideals for the future and our past. We reminisce the old times and marvel at how some of our mutual friends have changed and some haven't.

We look at each other and see how we've grown. Matured.

My curiosity gets the better of me and I ask -
"So. What's the new girl like?"

"Normal. And extremely giving. You know how some girls are so complicated? They have this criteria and that standard -"

I raise my brow at him.

He looks pointedly at me and continues,
" - and they need their guy to pass a mark before they consider them. She doesn't. She doesn't have a mould she tries to put me into. She accepts me as I am, flaws and all. And she's so giving. And normal. She's so simple and normal. I really appreciate that."

"Not at all bitchy?" I can't help but ask.

He looks at me, and with a wry smile says "No. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but nope."

----

We sit, and talk for over an hour. It felt good. To be able to look at him in the eye and relate anecdotes about how the Mother had to find out about the Boyfriend. To hear him laugh and tell me about how his family's been. Like no time had passed. Like the last 18 months never happened and nothing has changed.

But they did, and they have.

It doesn't matter though. After lunch I realized that while change is the only constant in life and situation and circumstance might change, some things remain the same.

The time we took to heal old wounds and gain new perspectives about life before meeting up again was well worth it. If we had met up any earlier, I'm pretty sure things wouldn't have turned out this way.

----

"This was good, wasn't it?" I ask.

"Yea, I think I'm ready to stop being a stranger."


Me too.

FILLER FILLER FILLER

Hello all, I am not dead. The past weeks have come out from GA episodes, and ERGH ASDFGHJKL.


Ler - I'm glad we're still friends.

Siew - I'm not going anywhere. I'll sit right in front.

Daniel - Bitch, just for you I tahan horrid smoke smell. Thank you for your big mouth.

SANY SANY SANY - You're such a gem. And now in my "chums" list in MSN. HOORAY.

Jon - Aiyah, died. (: